Limitations...

Learning to live with limitations isn't as easy as one might think.  Having been relatively active for most of my life, it's now hard to not be able to do much at all.  Even a trip to the grocery store has to be well planned, and allowances made for my energy and pain levels.  No longer can I push a cart around Walmart to shop and browse for the things I need/want.  I have to take the ever present 'list' and actually read thru it periodically so that i don't forget the important stuff. 

Yesterday was shopping day.  Comp had to drive because I am still having issues with vertigo, and do not consider myself safe to drive.  He HATES going shopping, especially with me, because I try to get the least expensive version of products and he prefers the brand names.  With the limited income, we have to be frugal or things like the phone bill and the electric won't get paid.  Anyway, he drove and stayed in the car while I did the shopping. 

First was Shetler's.  This is a bargain bin type store, run by the Mennonites, and it has products that are damaged or otherwise left over from other larger (Chain) stores.  You never know what will be there, so you have to look at everything.  They also carry products from the Amish community and they also have bulk staples.  It's a cool place, but not very big.  Thank goodness, becuase when we were there yesterday, the one motorized cart they have was already in use and I had to walk with a cart.  I shouldn't have, but then again, this is the limitations thing.  I got a few things, not all the stuff I was looking for, but enough good deals to make the extra energy worth it.

Then it was time for Walmart.  I still like doing the grocery shopping there because I can (and do) find good deals and inexpensive versions of stuff that would cost me way more at the other local grocery stores. Here, I HAVE to use a motorized cart. Because of having to use the basket on the motorized cart that doesn't hold as much stuff.  I figured I would be able to get most of the stuff we needed in it though.  We were out of many things, so I took longer then I had planned and spent more than I wanted.  Way more.  I had planned to also go to one of the other grocery stores to buy meat, but my energy level was plummeting by the time I got done in Walmart, and the budget was depleted, so we went home to unload the groceries and get something figured out for dinner. 

By the time I was finished at Walmart, my energy level was waining fast.  I have finally learned that I can only push myself so far before I will have to pay for it.  When the energy level drops off, it's time to go to bed and/or work on less strenuous things (like my knitting) until the energy rebounds.  Most   of the time, the energy doesn't rebound like I think it should, and I end up having to take a nap.  Sometimes, even the nap isn't enough and I'm basically in bed for the rest of the day.  That was yesterday.  In addition to my energy level bottoming out, I over stressed my knee and back, so I was pretty uncomfortable last night.

I went to sleep rather early (for me) last night, in the hopes that perhaps I would have a bit more energy today.  It sort of worked.  I was awake at 6am and managed to get up, let the dogs out, and fix myself something to eat before the energy level plummetted again and I had to have a nap.  This means I slept thru feeding the dogs, which means that Comp had to do it himself, but he manages to do that most of the time anyway. 

But I have been able to be up a bit more today, and managed to work on some things like a weekly menu so that we know what is for dinner each night and don't have to face the age old what's for dinner debate.  I purposefully did not get any TV dinners at the store this time becuase I want to be able to help with the cooking more often, and if we just rely on TV dinners, so that Comp doesn't have to fuss so much, we end up spending more money and eating less nutritionally.  Whether or not I will be able to prepare dinner by myself is not a given, Comp will most likely have to help with the browning of meat, etc, but I hope to be able to help.  I want to try to do more and begin to stretch my limitations a bit more so that perhaps I can someday be a bit more active again.  Will it work?  I have no idea, but the thought is that if I can do a little bit each day, perhaps I will be able to endure for a longer period of time between colapses.  This is the managing my limitations goal for now.

 Of course, I also have to factor in my pain levels... somedays, the pain is really bad and even simple things like walking to the bathroom are a chore.  On those days, I do have to stay in bed and work on stuff there... like my ever present knitting or something else less physically taxing.  then we come to the mental limitations... my memory isn't so hot anymore, and my attention span is shot too, so somedays, sleeping is all I can manage.  I hate those days, and would like to have them go away.